Reflections
by StarTraveler
Summary: Kirk reflects on the progression of his relationship with Spock. Slash


Disclaimer:Star Trek and Characters belong to Gene Roddenberry.

I watch my husband meditate in front of the dragon shrine, as he always does in the evening before dinner. His routine never varies unless it's an emergency. Not many people know of Vulcan ways.

To the few who had been allowed in Spock's quarters it looked merely like a dragon statue with candles at the base. Spock told me it is called The Watcher and it symbolizes the merging of the fires of Vulcan's past with the logic of Surak, so that all Vulcans can always strike a balance between both.

But not many people have ever seen this statue or the private side of Spock, I am one of those priviledged few.

My Thyla is a special man.

I met him as I beamed onto the Enterprise transporter as a first time Captain, determined to be the best but secretly terrified I would mess up everything. This was the greatest flagship in the fleet.

I felt awkward around him since I heard Vulcans repress their emotions and I'm an emotional being. He was reserved and guarded but slowly he allowed me to be his friend through chess games and I got glimpses of the man behind that distant exterior.

Months passed and then years and Spock became like a brother to me, I had a brother Sam but with Spock I just had this connection I could not explain. Our missions drew us closer together and his first Pon Farr was a disaster with the challenge.

But it showed him he could trust me and I felt Spock would always be by my side. But as our mission drew to a close I could see him fighting with his human half more and more. Then came that night he told me he would be returning to Vulcan to undergo Kolinhar, to purge his emotions.

I felt angry and harsh words were exchanged and I told him to go ahead and become a robot, that every bad thing everyone had seen about him had been right. He called me a slut and walked out of my life.

I felt awful but there was no way I could contact him to apologize, the Enterprise would be in dry-dock for the next three years so I accepted the promotion to Admiral.

Then one day I was told I had a visitor and I was shocked to see a thin version of Spock sitting on my couch, he told me he was sorry for the things he said and told me he had achieved his own version of Kolinhar and asked if we could begin anew and I agreed.

We fought tooth and nail to get back our lady and we are on her again one year into our next five year mission.

I return to the present to watch Spock light red candles at the base and soon a red glow appears in the dragon's eyes. I love how the glows of the flames also make his dark hair also have that glow, how it brings out all the angles of his rugged face. And when he looks at me during some of those times, the same fire of the statue seems to also burn in his eyes as well.

I don't know what I'd do without him and I never want to find out.

I return to that one night where it all changed, we had gone to Vulcan to celebrate the founding of the Federation. Even after so many years I felt tongue tied and sweaty like a school boy whenever I was near him.

We had gone out to the gardens and there was a gentle breeze that brought the scent of Vulcan lilies and suddenly I was in his arms. It felt so right and I was tired of fighting the love I had for him, I'd never wanted a man until Spock.

Then he kissed me and I felt like I was finally home, like the last piece that had always been missing had finally fallen into place. He whispered that he'd always loved me and had been wrong to try to purge his emotions.

I told him all was forgiven and I would be with him and face whatever came our way.

Pon Farr hit Spock one year later and he was afraid to hurt me, I whispered my love as he laid with me on the bed and told him as long as we were careful and loved each other all would be well.

He sheathed himself within me and the paradise that we encountered was unlike anything we wouldn't experience anywhere else. His gentleness took my breath away and I knew love was what made Pon Farr a happy time not to be feared.

Mental union was also important and those were better than our previous melds and those three days sequestered together had changed us forever and for the better.

We bonded in front of all Vulcan a month later and had a wedding ceremony on my family farm two months after that. Kirk and Spock, we are one entity.

Its been nearly seven years since we've bonded and the Enterprise is still ours, the universe ours for the exploring. I am Spock's playground and he is mine. His next Pon Farr is coming, he's been a little more emotional lately and I can see the flickering embers through our bond.

My husband raises having finished his meditation far earlier than usual and I see some sparks, he turns to me and is eyes are flame. I shiver my delight as he embraces me.

I am ready to be consumed by flames.


End file.
